Cast Of Characters:

Name: Loaf Age: Reasonably Fresh Likes: Peanut Butter Saturdays Dislikes: Pre-sliced kids these days Notes: A fountain of knowledge and wisdom, if only somebody would ask.

Name: The Coffee Bean From Hell Age: Unknown Likes: Kittens Dislikes: The exploitation of African farmers by the western food industry. And cottage cheese. Notes: Originally destined to become part of a delicious chocolate bar, the coffee bean from hell slipped from the factory treadmill and fell through a grating in the floor. This grating held a mysterious and temporary portal to the depths of hell, where the coffee bean saw things that no bean should ever have to witness. So he left.

Name: Corn on the Cod Age: Ripe from the river Likes: Extreme Sports, Hot Butter massages. Dislikes: Boiling Water Notes:This cheerful abberation resulted from a calamity in which a sewage treatment system was diverted through a farmer's irrigation system. The leftovers of a fish supper combined with a fresh ear of corn and a whole bunch of chemicals created the being known to his friends as 'Cornon'. Wielding an almighty spork, he is friendly and easy-going, but a force to be reckoned with when angry.

Name: Tubbs Age: Debate Ongoing Likes: Coat hangers, scrabble tiles. Dislikes: Knives, toast, condiments. Notes: A few sandwiches short of the metaphorical picnic, Tubbs is something of a question mark, even by Kitsch standards. Largely living in his own little world, his utterances do sometimes bear relevance to the conversations going on around him. His attention span is frankly abysmal and he acts on whatever bizzare whims pop into his imagination.

Name: The Pickled Hen Age: Best Before Feb '69 Likes: Vinegar, Hen-tai, plotting the downfall of the civilised world. Dislikes: Fresh air, Chick-flicks, Smiles. Notes: Floating in a catatonic state, the pickled hen is a deceptive foe. Bent on world domination, this feathered fiend possesses unimaginable powers. Nobody knows what they are, Nobody has seen them in action, but by God you'd better watch out.

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